oh yeah...

I was so wrapped up in having a follower I forgot about my other news.

I think the best word to describe this is "Oops."

Well, they say a picture's worth a thousand words, but this next one might need just a few less. Yes ladies and gentlemen:

RIP HAM

But on the bright side, the dude who wrote Into The Wild has already contacted me and wants to write a bestseller on Ham's life and the events surrounding her death. Was it from starvation? A lack of "Happy" heart points? Poor planning? Eating the poop she got in the mail? He's sure to find out.
And I will get the royalties.

A true Win/Win, in my opinion.

Farewell, Ham!

HOLY FUCK I'VE GOT A FOLLOWER

I think the title of this post mostly says it all. But in case it doesn't, please let me re-iterate. I've got a follower!! I never thought this moment would happen. Soon I'll be more popular than google. You just wait and see.

Apparently Ham is a boozer too

In a fascinating turn of events, my tamagotchi transformed into her adult form this evening.

yes. That is a constant martini-type glass little Ham is permanently holding. She's even sloshing it and being a mess in her close up. THESE THINGS KNOW MORE THAN YOU THINK! there is her little write-up from the official makers. yeesh.



they've got me pegged.



apparently leaving Ham in the car all day while I was at Festival (oops) made her crave a gin martini. who can blame her, anyhow?

snarchfest 2010

the king came for a visit

Here's a recap on my latest tama news:

1. my tamagotchi is/was a single parent. this is what happened: an old lady appeared on the screen, I imagine she is "the matchmaker". The screen asked me LOVE YES NO. obviously I chose yes. Little did I know that love=single parenting. Ol matchmakey bitch introduces my tamagotchi to a girl-one that popped into the screen. A heart appears over their heads. Suddenly, the screen goes black and firewords appear. Then.. POUF! mama's gone, and I'm stuck with a baby. WTF? bitch.

2. I have recieved numerous Poops in the mail. Who is sending me them? And why!? Who sends Poop in the mail? And yes. I have to capitalize Poop. It's just that important.
Another thought: is the Poop I recieve in the mail registered? I wonder how many Poops that have been sent to my tamagotchi in the mail have gotten lost along their way. I hope many but I fear the tamagotchi postal service is very effective.

3. One morning (actually, the one that I was the most hungover for) my regular tamagotchi disappeared and his baby took over. I dunno where my original went. All I know is that I named the baby Ham. And it's a girl. And it annoyed me for 2 hours and all I could think about was throwing it off a cliff. Someone very wise once told me that tamagotchis should have an Enfanticide option. Why don't they? I'm going to recommend it to the makers of this fine (but flawed) product.

I think that's all the news I've got for now. Please leave all hate mail for Ham in the comments section below.

tama porn; i only wish.

my wet dream.


FYI: if you google "tamagotchi porn", pretty much nothing comes up. Don't waste your time.

AND in case all you fine folk out there were wondering where I got this remarkable little piece of technology, I will make it public. After searching through Wal-Marts and SuperStores and Toys-R-Us's nationwide, I finally found some. They're at BJ Toys in Transcona. They are 7.50$. Now GO! and buy one please. my little dude has no friends and it's getting pathetic.

In other news, if you have a digital camera, please lend it to me. merci!

some good news and some bad news.

the good news is:
I figured out how to play "shapes" with my tamagotchi.

the bad news is:
I still don't really understand "man hole". I play it and sometimes i do pretty well, but really i'm just mashing all the buttons all the time until i lose.

I have purchased a tamagotchi...

Dear my tamagotchi,

I'm really sorry about last night. I didn't mean to leave you in Little Pizza Heaven. Also, I didn't mean to wake you while you were sleeping by changing the time so you thought it was the morning so that I could show you to my friends at the Cavern. Well actually I did mean to do that, because that could never have happened by accident.

Either way, I apologize.

And also I'm sorry that I can't figure out how to play the game "shapes" or "man hole". You never want to freaking play with me anyways so I doubt you could mind much. But I can't really figure them out.

And another thing, what are these items I win in TamaTown for? (sidenote: yes i do go to the tamatown website. it is horribly embarrassing. and even more embarrassing that i do it at other people's houses sometimes.) I give you your items when you "come back from town" or whatever, and you just jump around for a minute and then they're gone? Do you have any idea how many numbers and codes I have to press to even get you INTO TamaTown? It's annoying. And to give you these "items" that have no point? I type in 10 different numbers and letters into a freaking tamagotchi for gods sakes. It's not like you have a keyboard or anything. There are only 3 buttons. It's a hassle!! I also didn't give you two "items" that I won for you because I couldn't be bothered to type in the codes.

You confuse me, and I'm tired of these tamagotchi websites that don't actually explain whats going on. What are your point systems for anyways? But I'll save that for another post.

Oy. I'm also sorry that I hid you in my purse when I went out for drinks with John the other day. I was too embarrassed to take you out. I'm sorry I had to feed you from the ladies bathroom. I wasn't at the kind of place you pull your tamagotchi out at. Sorry.

Good luck with me, little tamagotchi.
Love,
Gotchi Queen


p.s. no one likes a blog without pictures so here's one of Bunny. With me in the background writing postcards :)